Medusa-Scorpion

How could I have been do foolish, how could I have been so blind?
So desperate for that feeling that I believed your lie.
You said you were going to fight me for, I'd really hoped you would
Now I sit here all alone, trying to find the good

There is nothing anyone can say to me, nothing anyone can do
I don't believe you ever loved me, but then what was I to you
I saw in you my future and put your son inside my heart
Now I look at his empty room and I feel so ripped apart

You said you loved me but you NEVER put me first
I moved my world for you, even when things were at their worst
Now I'm trying to be happy, I'm trying to move on
Trying to find the strength I had, when I'd been single for so long.

I just want the tears to stop, and the pain to subside,
To be completely honest, I just want to die.
I know someday I will love again, and be hurt just the same
But I have gotten over it before and I will do so again

Let this be a lesson, one I hope to never forget
I am all I can depend on, even though there are some I call friends
I need to keep this pain inside of me, a vigil and a shrine
No one will ever love me, like cake it is a lie...

Every day that passes by, convinces me more your "love" was a lie.
You said you'd fight, but ran instead; makes me glad that I did what I did.
I'm done with the tears and I'm done with the sorrow, for ever thinking you were my tomorrow.
A heart shattered once more, will heal in time; years down the road, to give love another try.
But onwards and upwards I must press, because knowing it was for the better, doesn't make it hurt any less.

Where were you when the world stopped turning?  My grandmother had picked me up to take me to my college class for that day, I can't remember now but I think it was my writing class.  She told me that she had heard on the radio that someone had ran a plane into the Twin Towers, I told her that was not a funny joke.  I could not believe that someone could do that.  I still had a hard time wrapping my head around the Holocaust and Rwanda.  I thought that we as a civilization was beyond that kind of atrocity, the killing of people for no reason.  I cried when I heard that religion was involved.  I was freshly agnostic and just could not believe that a belief would cause this.

Growing up we had a flagpole in my front yard; I come from a family that is proud to be American.  We might not always agree with our countries politics, but we are proud to be a part of a country that if you don't like it, you can leave.  A country where a website like this can exist and you do not have to fear what you post on it.  My Grandfather served only 1 term in the US Navy, around the time of WWII.  Why only 4 years I don't know, and I never asked.  It hurts me that I did not listen as closely as I should have to my Grandfather, that I was an ignorant teenager who did not appreciate the time I had with him.  I can tell you that my Grandfather loved building models of Navy ships, and that he had a miniature Port in his front yard, complete with yardarm where he would fly the American flag.  He died earlier that year and I am so grateful that he wasn't alive to see the country that he loved so very much come under attack, again.  That brings me some joy, which is taken away because he never got to see me in uniform.  I like to think he would have been proud.

I think about my nephew Spencer, who was born 14 days later on the 25th.  He has never known a country that wasn't at war.  He has never known the life I was brought up in, where we were safe, or at least thought we would be.  

That morning I was shocked, by that afternoon I was angry, that night, as I was watching the news all I could do was cry.  It took me at least 2 days for it to sink in that this was not just some terrible dream.  We were glued to our TV for the next 3 days, tuned into to CNN, FOX News, MSNBC, whoever was broadcasting about the event.

I am a United States Sailor.  I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States of America and I will obey the orders of those appointed over me.  I represent the fighting spirit of the Navy and those who have gone before me to defend freedom and democracy around the world.  I proudly serve my country's Navy combat team with Honor, Courage and Commitment.  I am committed to excellence and the fair treatment of all.

That is more than just something I have to recite at Quarters.  That is my creed and it means something to me.  When people ask what I do for a living, I don't respond that I am in the military, I don't say I am in the Navy, I tell them I am a Sailor.

I wish I could say that the day that would come to be known as 9/11 is the reason I joined the military, I am ashamed that it isn't.  I joined the military 4 years after the tragedy occurred because it's not like there was anyone worth marrying in my town.

9/11 hurts me every day.  When I think about what a small group of religious extremist did to my country it angers me and it hurts me.  I will never forget.

Momma, you left your children
Momma, you left your blood
Momma, you left your family...for a man

Momma, your children need you
Momma, we cry out your name in the night
There is no answer...do you hear our call

He beats you, we've seen the bruises
He scares you, and then you say it's a lie
You want us to accept him...with closed eyes

Momma, you left your children
Momma, you left your blood
Momma, you left your family...for a man

Your head on our shoulders, as you cry
Stroking your hair, we tell you, it will be alright
Too many times we've gone through the cycle
Of the lies.

After all of the nights, after all of the tears
After all of the pain, the trials, the warrants
You say you still choose him over the ones you have born

Momma, you left your children
Momma, you left your blood
Momma, you left your family...for a man

I can only take so much pain
I can only take so much hurt
If this is going to be the life
Then you won't have me anymore...Momma